I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
