First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
