Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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