I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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