my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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