Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
