I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
