we have officially lost it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
