On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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