Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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