oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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