guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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