I heard we made out
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's shark week go big or go home
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
