i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
