I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
