can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
