So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
