It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
