omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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