Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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