Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
