i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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