hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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