My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
