I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
