we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
