How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
