could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
