went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
