Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
