the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
