it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
