my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
