he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
