I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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