How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
