My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
