Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
