Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
