6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
