Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
