her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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