My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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