I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
God, I missed his penis.
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