Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Found the puke drawer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
