Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I enjoy the company of your penis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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