I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
