; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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