I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
