If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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